3 Things Everyone Needs To Understand About Clinical Depression

A cliche at this point, but this is still a relevant chart.
Source: Imgur

So, I’m going through a LOT of overwhelming B.S. right now. I’m unsatisfied with my living and working situation, there’s a lot of various panic and concern going on in my family, I’m worried for the well being of many loved ones, and I’m starting to lose faith in myself and my abilities.

Basically, it’s the worst time ever for depression to hit.

Of course, every time I or someone I know goes through one of these depressive episodes, someone has to start up with their s*** thinking that they’re helping when they’re really just belittling us with classic catchphrases like, “what do you have to be sad about,” “just go outside and walk it off,” and my personal favorite, “it’s all in your head.”

Well, I’m fed up. I’m converting that soul-crushing despair into white-hot anger and dispelling a few of the myths that have been keeping me and people like me down for years all because people are too lazy or too ignorant to take the time to understand a serious psychological disorder.

Depression isn’t just being sad

Everyone gets sad sometimes; that’s just a fact of life. But the thing to remember is that sadness can be overcome quite easily. It’s one bad day or an unfortunate event that eventually passes.

Depression is MUCH more severe.

A depressive episode is so intense that it saps your ability to function and even perform daily tasks; you lose drive and hope. And you would lose hope too if you had to endure an inexplicable sense of apathy for weeks or, more often,  even months.

Depression is so much more than just inexplicable sadness; it’s a complex neural imbalance that not only drains a person’s will but affects people differently and to different degrees.

Coping with depression isn’t the same as treating it

I was diagnosed clinically depressed when I was about 8 years old. I have bounced around from one medication to another with none producing the effects I needed or, if they did work properly, quickly resulted in diminishing returns as I grew more resistant to them. I came to the conclusion that finding a non-chemical solution was a better alternative. So, I started building up a philosophy to help cope with those thoughts and feelings that crop up during a depressive episode. In fact, I’ve shared a good chunk of that philosophy with you right here already.

But please note that I said, “COPE with;” not treat. My depression is still very much active – often times without anybody noticing it beyond listlessness and exhaustion.

Because depression can affect everyone to different degrees and in different ways, coping isn’t always an option. Belittling people for needing to rely on an anti-depressant to achieve a balanced mind so they can function is akin to mocking an amputee for using a prosthetic limb instead of hopping around on one leg.

Being active can help… TO A POINT

One of the things that I got a lot when I was dealing with depression in my early days was that I wasn’t physically active enough. They kept telling that if I exercised and got my dopamine pumping, I’d feel better.

And yes, the dopamine from physical activity can help stave off the symptoms of depression (again, coping is NOT treatment), but it’s rarely an ideal solution.

First of all, depression often places you in a state of apathy where you can’t be motivated to act making it difficult just to get started with a workout routine (hence why I refuse to spend money on a gym membership like so many suggest to me).

Secondly, don’t forget that, at the end of the day, dopamine is a drug – a highly addictive drug that often has diminishing returns if you’re swimming in the stuff constantly. Addiction leads to desperation. And when the primary method of getting a dopamine boost is physical thrills, you may be inclined to do more reckless things to get your fix. Have you ever seen those thrill seekers that do stupidly dangerous stuff for fun? Yeah, that’s what dopamine addiction looks like.

In conclusion, don’t treat people with depression like sad sacks looking for attention. They really are going through hell and you just can’t see it. Also, don’t ignore your depression if you’re a sufferer. If you find that coping isn’t a working option for you, talk to a doctor or therapist as soon as possible.

Take care of yourselves, know that you’re loved, and remember – whatever you’re feeling right now, it’s not your fault.

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Celebrating My Girlfriend’s 1-Year Gender Affirmation Surgery Anniversary

So, one year ago today, my beloved Marie (who you may recall inspired a recent article here) underwent her gender affirmation surgery at The Albert Einstein College of Medicine in Bronx, New York. To mark the occasion, she shared her story with us, her closest friends and family, to give us an idea of the process.

I won’t be reciting her story verbatim here as I feel that should be her choice to share something that personal. That said, the story did get me to continue considering my own gender identity exploration. I’m still on the fence about GAS at this moment and I feel I really shouldn’t be as neutral to something this big as I am.

I’m not going to give a long-winded essay this week like I normally do because there’s actually very little insight that I can give. Every stage of transition for a transgender person is different after all. Some are perfectly content with a purely social transition – changing their name, pronouns, and choice of dress. Others engage in hormone replacement therapy to feminize or masculinize themselves. And if they do opt for surgery, they may only have breast augmentation/chest masculinization, only alter their genitalia, or both.

What I can do, however, is direct people to information. This way, those considering transitioning can get a better feel for how they want to continue on and those who are confused or even scared by the idea of someone transitioning can have the process demystified and they can start understanding the other persons position a little better.

So, I urge you all to check these two articles that were supplied to me. Firstly, this Teen Vogue article details the reasons and methods behind transitioning as told by a medical professional in the field. Secondly, for those considering vaginoplasty like Marie, this video shows the process (warning: even though it’s a computer animation, it IS still surgery and may be difficult for more squeamish viewers to view).

Happy anniversary, hon. And may we all be so blessed as to live in the way and shape that we choose for ourselves.

The Agent Reviews A Game: Love Nikki-Dress UP Queen

Needs some work on the translation there, hon… but you’re just so sweet and adorable…
Source: Ma.Gi.E. in Wonderland

Well, folks. It’s time to put my credibility as a gamer to the ultimate test.

In my tireless search for a passable mobile game, I found one in the one place I and every other gamer has been told since birth we would never find a fun game. So here comes the big ass truth bomb; my favorite game on mobile is… A DRESS UP SIMULATOR.

The plot of Love Nikki-Dress UP Queen is… bizarre and pretty nonsensical. our heroine Nikki and her cat companion Momo find themselves, for reasons unknown to them and us, transported to the fantasy world of Miraland – a world where rivalries and disputes are handled, not with violence, but with one-on-one fashion competitions (silly, but edenic in a strange sort of way) living in the aftermath of a “nine-day war” of stylists competing for three worldly treasures. Obviously, the story is not the main draw of this game; par for the course on mobile.

The writing and voice acting aren’t much better, unfortunately. The dialog is stilted, the script has quite a few grammatical errors, and voices are so forcefully twee and cute that you’d be forgiven for thinking that you were watching a rerun of Rainbow Brite from the 80’s. So why do I like this game so much?

Simply put, it handles all of its gameplay mechanics amazingly. Unlike every game of its kind I’ve seen in the past, the scoring during the judging never feels arbitrary. The game lays out very clear standards and goals to achieve with each level. You’ll be given a theme to match (office, sport, traditional, etc.) and examples of what aspects of your outfit you will be most heavily judged for (cuteness, liveliness, maturity, etc.).

Plus, judgings aren’t passive events. Both you and your opponent can make the game more challenging with active skills. You can flash a smile to win judges over or kill your opponent’s confidence by throwing some critical shade. It’s less a passive fashion contest than it is spell casting management in an MMORPG.

Of course, even if you think the main story missions are arbitrary, there’s still the multiplayer competitions. New themes are regularly selected and players will judge each other in pairs based on who they think best matches the theme for the current contest.

You’ll be encouraged to craft and customize your clothing (so be weary; you may not want to throw out that old pair of jeans just yet), interact with and join a stylist’s association (this game’s equivalent of a guild), and – of course – gather daily login rewards which normally kill the mood for me, but are worked in well here. You earn so much in-game currency and clothing normally that you won’t be too terribly hurt if miss one day. Plus, the reward system itself seems highly forgiving. I swear I missed a day here an there with everything going on in my week. But when I got back, I didn’t lose any progress. Now that’s user-friendliness!

If there was any complaint I had to levy on Love Nikki, it’s that it still approaches it’s gameplay from a “dress up games are for girls” perspective with how cute it’s trying to be. But, to the game’s credit, there are a number of fashion-forward men in the cast and “unisex” is one of the many style options available. So it’s not as narrow-visioned as it could be and it doesn’t come off as closed off.

So yeah, a dress up game wound up being one of my favorite things to play on my phone while waiting for my shift to start and I suspect it would be yours too. Granted this is all coming from the bias of someone who dedicates every Wednesday on Twitter to showing off their makeup and new clothes, but if you have the same interests, this will be right up your alley. It just goes to show you that you can’t just write off a genre as worthless because of a history of bad eggs. Who knows? Someone may have fixed the problems that plague it before.

Three Ways That Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery Fails

An accurate recreation of the, “Oh s***, I’m f***ed,” face I made when I saw just how dickish this game would be.
Source: GameRant

If it’s one thing that my history with mobile gaming has taught me, it’s that almost every game with the word ‘Mystery in its title is going to be a disappointment. What little mystery there is in the story or gameplay will almost always be weak and unengaging.

But it hurt even more when this truth befell Harry Potter: Hogwarts Mystery because this was a series of books and films that meant so much to so many. This was, for many people, how they or their younger kin were introduced to the realms of fantasy storytelling. Sure, it was just a story at the end of the day. But it was a story that held weight. To see that fall victim to the lazy industry mentality of, “push it out the door quickly to make a buck sooner” cuts exceptionally deep.

At this point, you’ve likely seen the tending Twitter posts and Facebook memes surrounding this game. But I want to strip away that protective varnish of humor and expose the raw and acidic sting of buyer’s remorse surrounding this travesty in order to provide a sort of ‘big book of do not’s’ for future app developers. So, where did Hogwarts Mystery go wrong?

Mismanaging the energy mechanic

One of the most consistent complaints I’ve seen from people regarding Hogwarts Mystery. It seems almost inevitable that you’ll be in the middle of a story mission or a class when… “Oops, you don’t have enough energy to finish this task. Oh, you say you’re on ticking clock? and if you wait around for your energy to rebuild, you’ll lose? Guess you better hand us ALL YOUR MONEY and PAY for the privilege to play if you don’t want to be strangled to death by the Devil’s Snare.”

I rarely see money-grubbing behavior on this level. You aren’t given enough resources to complete tasks without paying for it and if the bothered to fix it, the game’s main challenge would disappear. This is one of the most blatantly transparent cash grabs I’ve ever seen in a mobile game. Or rather, it would be if not for…

Mismanaging character customization

Have you noticed how ridiculously expensive most of the character customization options are? Seriously, 4000 coins for a haircut? It’s taken me four chapters just to get half of that. 100 diamonds for a basic pair of glasses? That’s REAL money for a simple, unimpressive cosmetic detail most people will overlook.

Most of these things require, once again, in-game purchases if you want them. This means even MORE transparent cash-grabbing. I really don’t think this was the kind of business model J.K. Rowling had in mind when she wrote the first stories on an old manual typewriter while trying to care for her daughter alone with no job and fighting the clinical depression that would later inspire The Dementors.

Combat is almost purely luck-based

The big thing that could have saved this mess was the dueling mechanic. The fact that many missions teach you spells you can use in duels was actually really exciting; like you were recreating the feel of being a Hogwarts student.

… And then you actually have to duel.

Dueling is nothing more than a rock-paper-scissors game where the victor wins the right to slap the loser in a magical game of Rochambeau. The only “strategy” comes when you get a whole TWO choices for attacks. Even Pokémon let you have four attack options per character and let choose which ones you wanted to an extent.

I know this is going to be a much shorter essay than what I normally give, but I was genuinely caught off guard by the massive amount of NOTHING this game had to offer. It wasn’t engaging, there’s no real mystery as advertised, and every mechanic seems based around parting you from your money first with fun being a tertiary goal at best. And it doesn’t matter that they heard the criticisms of the players and lowered their microtransaction prices; if a restaurant offers you an appetizer of cat s***, you don’t stick around for the main course.

Don’t play this game, don’t give them your money. If the choices are between this game and a Reductor Curse targeting your genitals, I suggest looking the witch or wizard pointing their wand at your junk in the eyes and telling them, “it’s still not as bad as Hogwarts Mystery.”

Great Life Lessons Taught To Me By My Transgender Girlfriend

Everybody deserves to be happy with who they are and in the skin they want.
Source: Huffington Post

Those of you who follow me on Facebook and Twitter will know that, on Tuesday, I publicly announced the official first date between me and Marie – a beautiful and talented anthro artist (check her out on FacebookTwitter, and Instagram and commission her if you get the notion) and out-and-proud transgender woman. We’ve been chatting for some time now without ever being face-to-face due to several states worth of distance between us. But, an overnight trip to Connecticut allowed us to meet and I was introduced to her circle of friends. It was a great time and I feel we got to know each other a lot better – an impressive feat since this appears to be one of those rare relationships where both parties seem to know each other before they even meet.

But, more pertinent to this essay is the fact that she, knowing that I recently came out as gender fluid, helped me rediscover and feel more confident in my newly freed identity. And because I know she wants little more than to see her fellow trans men and women be happy and confident, I’d like to share the teachings she passed on to me during those magical two days together.

‘Transgender’ means more than you may think

This is less something Marie taught me than it is something I always knew, but I was reminded of it several times over the course of our trip. So I feel the need to establish it here.

But yes; even though I identify specifically as “gender fluid,” you’d be TECHNICALLY correct to call me “transgender.” You see, transgender is a rather large umbrella term that goes far beyond transgender man or transgender woman. It’s meant to be a sort of catch-all term for anyone whose gender identity differs from the standard identity that’s prescribed to someone’s biological sex.

Of course, while it may be TECHNICALLY correct to call a non-binary, gender fluid, etc. person transgender, it’s worth it to go the extra distance to refer to someone as the gender they identify as. It’s similar to how you should respect a person’s preferred gender pronouns if they have any; not only will you get a better understanding of them as a person, but you demonstrate that you care enough about them to get it right – thus strengthening the friendship.

Trans-people are just like cis-people

Again, something I already knew. But meeting with Marie and her friends (a few of whom were also transgender) and talking about life experiences re-confirmed it and it’s something worth noting to the public.

Talking to trans-people since college has taught me that there’s actually very little (if anything) different personality and lifestyle wise between a transgender person and a cisgender person. We both have shared experiences, feelings, and insights. We fall in and out of love the same way, work similar crappy jobs, enjoy watching the same movies and rocking out to the same music. Hell, we even have the same sweetheart-to-scumbag ratio between the two of us.

The only thing that separates the two is that incredibly minor difference in how we identify ourselves. And let’s be brutally honest; if you’re going to let something as minor as a personal identity separate you from an entire swath of humanity, you are missing out on a lot of potential good times. Yes, you’re likely to meet some duds here and there, but you were going to get that with the crowd you were with anyway. So why not broaden the friend search?

You don’t need hormones to feel sexy

One of the many exciting moments I shared with Marie was when she, knowing I had a limited wardrobe to choose from, donated some old hand-me-downs she was planning on getting rid of. Miraculously, almost all of them fit. And when I first put them on, I couldn’t stop striking poses in the mirror for how much I loved the way I looked.

For most trans-people, Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) is one of, if not the most, crucial choices in their lives. However, seeing me strut about in pants that ACTUALLY made my butt look cute for a change reminded me that you shouldn’t feel pressured into jumping into it ASAP. Much like the initial process of coming out, you get to decide when, how, and even if you decide to start HRT.

Don’t get me wrong, I’M still probably going to do it. In fact, I’m going to try talking with an endocrinologist on my next day off to set up the initial meeting and go through health risk, planning, etc. But the point is that only I, not anyone or anything else, gets to dictate that.

Having trusted friends makes all the difference

I had only been out in public twice in feminine attire before this trip and always in smaller settings. This trip was a big deal; I was in crowded restaurants and malls where anyone could raise a fuss. But having Marie by my side really did make it all seem like less of a problem. In fact, both she and I were stunned by how casually I strutted about without a single f*** to give out like business cards.

This bit of advice goes out to friends of trans-people as much as trans-people themselves; If you care about the well-being of your friends, be there for them. The little things like helping them shop for clothes or escorting them to the bathroom may seem like small potatoes to you, but they give them all the confidence in the world.

And speaking of confidence…

As in all things, confidence is key

I was pleasantly surprised with just how many people seemed unbothered by the six-foot-four, 250-pound Scots-Irish amazon idly traipsing through the food court in a pair of hip-hugging stretch jeans as I downed an energy drink and nibbled on my bland but passable sweet and sour pork from the Chinese food place. That’s when Marie dropped the biggest truth bomb of the entire trip on me; no one cared because I didn’t care.

In the back of my head, I knew this for some time. My years as a stage performer in college taught me that the slightest weakness in your ego will give everyone something to criticize. But when you step off the stage and into the public eye, it’s surprisingly easy to forget that truth. Whatever you do, trans-related or otherwise, you need to go into it without hesitation and confident that you have this locked down tight.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go shopping for a new purse because woman’s pants pockets are even more bulls*** than I gave them credit for and I am NOT going to carry my phone around in my adorable new bralette.

The Beautiful Sadness of Optimistic Nihilism

When you aren’t led by purpose, you are freed by absurdity.
Source: 9Gag

I have, on multiple occasions, been a firm believer in the absurdist school of philosophical thought. But lately, as my news feeds get filled with more of the same political drama and I hear more from friends being dragged down by the weight of the world, I’ve been falling back on my absurdist thoughts. To that end, I feel I owe it to those that may be struggling to go into the very core of my philosophy. And if any of you know of someone that that is being brought down, I pray that you take this view to heart and share it with those that may need it.

To that end, let’s talk about nihilism.

Nihilism has a lot of different meanings depending on what field of study you use it in. For the purposes of philosophy though, we’re talking about existential nihilism – the belief life has no intrinsic meaning or purpose. If you’ve paid attention to my long-winded speechifying on the subject though, you will note that – despite being born of the existential school of philosophy – this concept of meaningless and valueless existence is the very definition of absurdism.

It seems that, to the average person, a nihilist is just a gloomy, misery obsessed downer who seeks to bring others down with them. And while those people do exist and should be avoided at all costs, they aren’t the what the average nihilistic absurdist strives to be.

To an absurdist, the knowledge that we are all so insignificant in the grand scale of the universe is not a spirit-crushing thought, but an uplifting one. The fact that human existence is an aimless task with a definitive and likely fast approaching endpoint means that the only things of any importance are the things and that YOU personally prescribe value to; Only the things that bring you joy matter.

As for all of the negativity in your life? All the mistakes you made? The people that hurt you? Yup, they’re just as pointless. All of those terrible things and people that have tormented you will evaporate into oblivion along with you and the rest of humanity when our time comes. So it only makes sense to ignore all of that infuriating nonsense that only serves to distract you from the things that enrich your limited time.

Now, I realize that this all sounds very egocentric and self-absorbed. But if you’re the kind of person that gets enjoyment from other’s happiness (and you are, AREN’T YOU?), this is also a huge motivator to want to improve the world and the equally brief lives of those in it. After all, there is a legitimate case to be made for altruism motivated by self-interest.

To put it in nerdier terms, imagine life as an RPG. You spawn on Earth with a randomly generated character and are given a sandbox environment so massive that neither you or any of the other players will likely ever be able to see it all. You can build and grow your stats through the various quests you can choose to take or leave at your leisure. You can choose whatever class you want to play or even discover a brand new class that others may want to play as. You can customize your character with all sorts of gear you can earn through any number of means. You can go on party quests with as many or as few people as you want. But most importantly, there is no end to the number of achievements you can earn and no one knows what kind of great loot you can find for earning them. There are no boss battles, but those would just distract you from the thrill of exploring the environment, interacting with other players, and watching the beautiful cutscenes of the most immersive story in gaming history. And should you start feeling sad because you failed a quest, don’t despair. That only means that something amazing happened during that quest to make you happy to begin with and that you’re still alive to find a new quest or maybe even try that quest again.

This is why I embrace nihilism. I’m not miserable, as I’m often lead to believe; I’m merely contemplating what quest I should take tomorrow. I’m planning my next big raiding party. I’m wondering what gear I need for the big PvP event next month and how much gold it will cost.

If you or someone you know is feeling trapped by the world – like prey to a carnivorous and uncaring universe, please take these words to heart: Focus on your past only long enough to avoid repeating it. Walk through the things and people that hurt you like the vapor they are. Only YOUR journey and how YOU choose to make it truly have any meaning in such a beautifully brief existence.

May the chaos of nihilism shatter the chains that bind your soul.

A Very Brief (And Woefully Incomplete) Primer on Asexuality

… Well, some of us do on occasion, but we aren’t exactly crazy about doing so.
Source: falunel.deviantart.com

I’ve made mention several times on Twitter, Facebook, and right here on The Archive that I am an out-and-proud Asexual. But recently, I’ve noticed people within my circle of friends and family discussing the topic of asexuality more or even coming out to me as falling under the asexual spectrum (yes, asexuality is a spectrum; we’ll get into that).

So, I felt like it was my duty to talk about asexuality; not just among friends, but publicly so that all of those curious about it could understand it better. After all, one of the biggest problems plaguing the asexual community is a lack of visibility that leads other to claim that it “doesn’t exist” or that we’re just “secretly gay” or “trying to be special.”

Now, to be clear, this isn’t going to be a perfect resource. I may be asexual myself, but I’m not an authority on sexual orientation (if such a thing can be said to exist). To that end, this is going to be a HIGHLY simplified collection FAQs and debunked misconceptions tinged by my own experiences. If you want to learn more, I deeply ask you to check out The Asexual Visibility and Education Network for more information. So, with all veneers of expertise removed, let’s begin.

Attraction Vs. Desire Vs. Activity

One of the larger misconceptions is that asexuality is just a fancy name for what others would call celibacy. Another is that asexuality is just an excuse to justify a weak libido. These couldn’t be further from the truth.

Asexuality, low-to-no libido, and celibacy together demonstrate the disconnect between sexual attraction, sexual desire, and sexual activity respectfully. It’s often difficult for most asexuals or “aces” to explain the concept of sexual attraction since – surprise – we don’t experience it and it’s kinda hard to explain something that you don’t have a frame of reference for.

The simplest explanation I can muster is this: An ace can still be sexually aroused (genitals are stupid and can be turned on by just about anything) and many are still willing to engage in intercourse (until evolution allows humans to reproduce through parthenogenesis, babies need to come from somewhere). However, they simply don’t find others sexually attractive. We can certainly identify people as “cute,” “beautiful,” or sometimes even “sexy,” but sexual attraction may as well not exist to us.

This separates asexuality from the aforementioned low libido – a loss of sex drive and sexual desire that can be countered with medical treatments – and celibacy – the active choice to abstain from sexual activity for various reasons. So when in doubt remember this: if there’s no sexual attraction, it’s asexuality. If there’s attraction but no drive or desire, it’s low libido. If there is attraction and desire but you actively choose not to, it’s celibacy. The important point to take home here is that, whatever you identify as, it’s your identity and it’s valid.

Sex-Positive, Sex-Neutral, and Sex-Repulsed Aces

As briefly mentioned above, many aces still engage in sex or sexual acts. However, not all of them do and not all of them enjoy it or enjoy it to the same extent. This is why the asexual spectrum and the distinction of grey-asexuality or “gray-a” is so important. Different aces may, and likely will, have varying feelings towards sex.

Sex-positive aces regard sex as an enjoyable experience and may even encourage openness about sexuality. However, they still don’t find themselves sexually attracted to anyone. When interacting with a sex-positive ace, please note that their sexual identity is still valid and the fact that they find sex enjoyable doesn’t make them less of an ace. Remember; there’s a difference between attraction, desire, and action.

Sex-neutral aces – the camp that I belong to – tend to treat sex as a tertiary thought. We aren’t exactly opposed to the idea of sex and many of us will gladly engage if it means pleasing a lover or wanting to start a family. However, we aren’t exactly crazy about the idea and probably won’t break our necks to get some. The same considerations paid to sex-positive aces above should be given to sex-neutral ones. Again, attraction is not desire is not action (is that getting through yet?).

Sex-repulsed aces are genuinely disinterested or even disgusted by sex and/or sexual activity. In some cases, just the mere mention of sex makes them incredibly uncomfortable. Bare this in mind when interacting with sex-repulsed aces and respect their comfort zone. This also means not treating them – or any ace, for that matter – as emotionally or psychologically broken. There doesn’t necessarily need to be some kind of trauma to be repulsed by sex. Sometimes, people just find sex undesirable for any number of reasons (speaking personally, I usually just find sex too funny or too clinical to be enjoyable).

Demisexuality

I can’t in good conscience talk about the asexual spectrum without giving at least a brief mention its most often underrepresented section; the demisexuals.

Demisexuality falls under and is a very important part of the asexual spectrum. It describes a person who CAN develop a sexual attraction towards a person, but only after a deep, emotional connection has been formed. This makes it one of the most difficult orientations in the asexual spectrum to explain to people and, by extension, one that catches a lot of criticism – even from fellow aces.

But, it’s important to note that demisexuals ARE part of the asexual spectrum. They don’t experience sexual attraction in the same way as other sexual orientations would and need to be respected and welcomed. They aren’t outsiders; they’re human and kin.

How To Respect An Ace

I know I’ve beating the “attraction/desire/action” drum this whole time, but it seems so difficult to convey the importance of it to some people. These folks and I have a valid and legitimate orientation – a very specific way that we prefer to interact with our lovers in order to feel comfortable and secure. This doesn’t mean that we are broken or seeking attention and it’s not a moral or ethical choice like some people consider celibacy to be; it’s just the way we are and we all need to respect that.

Also, just as you should ANY sexual orientation, we ask that you respect our boundaries. If one of us tells you that sex or talking about sex makes us uncomfortable, please stop. If we don’t want to have sex with you, please understand that it’s not a negative judgment of you but us trying to maintain a comfortable sexual environment.

Ultimately, we aces are just like everyone else. And like everyone else, we just want to feel happy and comfortable in our own way.