A New Year’s Self-Reflection: Three Things About Myself That I’d Like To Change in 2018

I’m pretty sure it’s required by law that any article on self-reflection requires a picture of a mirror at this point.
Source: Her Campus

Now that we’re well into 2018, I, like many people, am taking the time to look back at myself and my actions and attempt to do some self-improvement.

Of course, most people focus on the purely physical – exercising more, eating well, quitting smoking, etc. I don’t hear a whole lot about people resolving to fix perceived emotional or personality flaws. Which is why I’m identifying three things about my personality that I want to improve or completely fix by this time next year. Let’s start with what I feel is my biggest problem…

I’m too nice for my own good

I admit that I have a habit of letting people push me around and use me as a tool to get their work done. Honestly, I don’t mind helping and I actually enjoy it most days.

But the key word there is HELP. As in, to render assistance and aid to another. NOT, as many seem to think, shoulder the responsibility by my lonesome.

Let me put this in context; When I’m not writing every week (a strenuous mental practice as is), I work a 40-hour-a-week overnight job as a custodian at a highway rest stop. I care for both sides of the highway, do a lot of heavy lifting and cover 12 kilometers (7.5 miles) on foot nightly (thanks for the info, Fitbit). What’s more, I often forgo breaks just so I have enough time to get everything done right and the third shift schedule that works me on weekends keeps me from being with the people I care about.

Long story short, I am a very tired, extremely stressed out man who doesn’t have the time or energy to do all of your bull**** for you.

The good news is that I am getting better in this regard and calling out lazy people that just want me to work for them with no recompense. Like I said, I WANT to help; You just need to meet me halfway.

I don’t trust people who smile a lot

I’d like to think I’m not some miserable guy who harbors resentment against happy people. But, when I think about the state of the world, I often find myself thinking, “you can’t be THAT happy in THIS state and be a healthy, functioning human.”

Obviously, that’s not true and on a practical level, I know that. But when I see someone who seems to have a permanent ear-to-ear, Chesire Cat grin on their face, my first instinct is to assume that they A) have some kind of ulterior motive or B) have never had a real problem in their lives and completely devoid of critical thought.

See, I’m one of those people who wears his emotions on his sleeve. I don’t like to smile or laugh unless it’s something REALLY worth being happy about because my mind to busy being flood by other, more important thoughts. Call it the “Daria Morgendorffer school” of thought.

Basically, I need to teach myself that there is stuff worth being happy about and force myself to see it and let myself enjoy it once in a while. In the meantime, I’ll be content with kicking Markiplier’s ass in those Try Not To Laugh challenges of his (Note to self: using sarcasm self-deprecating humor to mask my joyless nature probably isn’t healthy either).

I overwhelm myself far too easily

If I’m being honest with myself, I have a quite the knack for both taking on multiple large projects and not being happy until I’ve finely detailed them to nigh perfection.

Now, some would argue that over-ambitiousness and perfectionism are admirable problems to have. But that doesn’t change the fact that they ARE problems. I stress myself out until I need to quit because I work something until I break (If you’ve been following for a while, you’ve seen me take stress leave on this blog quite a few times). I also put off doing some things because they aren’t EXACTLY like I want them to be (THAT would be the main reason why I haven’t started doing videos like I wanted to).

I need to force myself to only take things one-at-a-time and accept that some of them won’t be perfect immediately.

What I’m trying to say is that I want to cut down on the downtime this year and really push to get part of my evergrowing to-do list off the ground.

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The Agent’s New Years Wish List

It’s that time, again…
Source: ColoringGuru.com

It’s, once again, the time of year that we all begin to look back at everything that has transpired for the last 364 day and reflect on our victories and our defeats in hope of improving things the next time around. It’s when we resolve to make ourselves better to boost the quality of our lives.

Naturally, I have my own things that I wouldn’t mind seeing in the coming year. So join me as I look forward and present my wishes for 2014.

I Wish…

… that the governments of our nation would just legalize gay marriage and marijuana across the board so that we can focus on other issues that we haven’t made a clear decision on as a majority just yet.

… that Johnny Depp would take a break from film or, failing that, take a role that DOESN’T involve him acting like a lunatic in heavy make-up and/or a goofy looking hat so he can focus on doing something good and I can go back to liking him.

Seriously, it’s always hats and make-up with this guy.
Source: Actors.co.ke

… that Netflix would stream more high brow films in order to edify movie lovers. Plus, I just want to watch Naked Lunch whenever I want.

… that, for just once, YouTube didn’t throw a temper tantrum over copyrights and just let the copyright holders speak to the person or persons running the offending channel if they have a problem.

… that Nintendo would make a data storage alternative to the tiny SD cards they use now; preferably a 1 TB external hard drive like the one I use for my notebook. It would also be nice if it could also store Gamecube game data as well.

… that Leviathan, Squigly’s parasitic dragon from Skullgirls, was real and living inside me so that I could always have intellectual debate when I wanted it and someone to help hold my projects steady when I’m playing in the workshop.

Admit it, you’d love to have a posh voiced, fire-breathing dragon that can sing opera for a BFF.
Source: Skullgirls Wiki

… to luck into a big voice acting deal once I get some free time to work on my demo.

… for all of my friends who are still in college to graduate with higher honors than me.

… for all of my friends who have already graduated from college to have better luck getting a lucrative job in their field than me.

… for my parents to find an end to their financial and work place stress – especially if it means screwing over the people that have been screwing them over harder and faster than they did.

… to find a good large scale printer for an affordable price so I can do freelance posters and graphics on the side.

… that absinthe was better for you and more affordable.

It’s the black licorice flavor; I’ve learned to love it.
Source: Men Daily

… for the continued strength of character to not go on a gaming shopping spree during the big Steam sales.

… to find more people who enjoy b-grade movies just to laugh and riff on them.

… for everyone in my family to play Cards Against Humanity and laugh without worrying about offending anyone. In fact, let’s extend that to the whole world.

… that I could find a way to shut my brain off and go to sleep at a reasonable hour so I’m not hyper-actively up until 2 AM either writing or playing Team Fortress 2.

… for an endless supply of mint tea to calm my jangled nerves.

… for a quality espresso machine so I can make Dirty Chai.

Chai tea. A double shot of Espresso. Pure Genius.
Source: PureWow Los Angeles

… that there was an Online Independent Emmy Award because traditional television is fading away and those people on Blip.tv and YouTube deserve to be recognized better.

… for inspiration to come to me easier and sooner so I never have to rush a new blog post out the night before ever again.

… for a terrible fate to befall Justin Bieber. Nothing lethal mind you, just humiliating and hilarious. For example, a lug nut from the wheel of a speeding semi suddenly flying off and lodging itself up his nose.

… that Dr. Steel would make a comeback and show Dr. Horrible how a REAL musical mad scientist rolls.

drsteel_enlist

Seriously, You guys have no idea how awesome this guy is.
Source: Wired.com

But, most of all, I wish…

… that all of you would share this with your friends and tell me what your wishes for the new year are. Also, I wish that your wishes come true… unless you wish for something stupid like the end of the world or something.