4 Warner Bros. Properties That I Want To See As Mortal Kombat DLC Characters

One of the nice things about being in my new apartment is the fact that I’ve been more active with my hobbies thanks to kicking the depression linked to my previous setting. Among those hobbies are, of course, video games and movies.

Last Month, the folks at Netherrealm Studios kept the proud tradition of adding new DLC Characters to the Mortal Kombat franchise from the available list of Warner Bros. Movies and properties by giving us the option to play as The Predator in Mortal Kombat X. And while he makes a nice fit, I can’t help but feel some other opportunities could be found with a little digging.

Basically, I’m saying that I won’t be happy until I can push Quan Chi’s head down into his colon while playing as…


Sure, we already have a silent, masked killer on the roster. But HE doesn’t have a chainsaw.
Source: Super Villain Wiki

You know, for being an iconic horror film, I’ve heard a lot of hate TowardsThe Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I imagine that’s mostly the hyper conservative crowd that can’t handle a horror film that’s ACTUALLY horrifying talking.

Regardless, the movie’s iconic killer Leatherface would be an obvious fit. The property is now owned Warner Bros., he’s a classic horror villain well known for brutally dispatching his victims, and he would be easily recognizable. Just code him in the next DLC, hand him a chainsaw and a meat mallet, and have him go to town.

And while we’re getting the obvious choices out of the way…

The Xenomorph

Bonus points if they have the stones to use the queen.
Source: Alien Species Wiki


Look, we have Predator, naturally Alien can’t be too far behind.

There’s actually a good reason why I want The Xenomorph as a playable character though; the lack of creative, inhuman designs in recent Mortal Kombat games.

I remember seeing characters like Goro, Kintaro, and Motaro for the first time and having my mind blown. These days, they seem to be playing it safe in terms of design. D’vorah is still surprisingly humanoid for a bug woman and even Milleena has been toned down a bit from her previous appearance. We could use a wholly inhuman monster in the roster.

Still, perhaps these last two are too obvious. There are more surprising options that could rock the community with the news. Options like…

Sweeney Todd

His ‘friends’ would be working overtime.
Source: FanPop

Ha! Didn’t see that one coming, did ya?

It’s funny how most people don’t talk about this movie anymore. It’s arguably the last role that Johnny Depp did that you can call ‘good’ without qualifying that statement. What’s more, it’s a Warner Bros. owned horror film – making it a valid choice for DLC.

I feel that someone this unexpected could create a lot of buzz and make the game interesting; the lost soul of ‘The Demon Barber of Fleet Street’ so consumed with vengeance that he’ll fight his way out of the netherrealm to get it.

Also, I’ve just really wanted to slowly slit Johnny Cage’s throat with a straight razor ever since I first saw him.

Guyver One

The fact that this exists proves I’m not alone in the universe.
Source: ultimate-savage.deviantart.com/

Okay, this one’s a bit complicated.

Before anyone asks, yes – the Bio-Booster Armor Guyver franchise was originally a manga published by Viz Media that was adapted into an anime published by Manga Entertainment. HOWEVER, New Line Cinema picked up the movie rights and released two films based on the franchise. And since Warner Bros. merged with them in 2008, it’s possible that they still have the rights.

“But Agent,” I hear you plea, “Weren’t those movies inconsistent and ham-fisted schlock that even lovers of bad movies have trouble stomaching? Why would you include that in a game like this?”

Well, I’m thinking of it as a chance for redemption. There’s nothing saying that they need to follow the note set by the films. This could be a chance to bring the character back to his sci-fi/action/horror roots. Plus, it would be a nice change up to see a hero in a DLC instead of a villian.

I only have one request; please go back to calling the kid in Guyver One Shō Fukamachi instead of Sean Barker. We really don’t need stuff like that in this day and age.

Kriminal Kopys: 3 Terrible Mortal Kombat Knock-offs

Lately, it seems that many people, including my good friend on YouTube Owlflame, have been saying good things about the recently released Mortal Kombat X. Now, I’ve made my case before that I don’t care either way how gory a game is as long as it’s fun and functional.

But, do you know what I DO care about? Ending up with a quality product. It’s bad enough to hop on a trend just because it’s “the thing” at the time, but to copy a trend so superficially with no quality control is unacceptable.

I remember how, when the MK series first showed up in the 90’s, everyone was quick to ride on the game’s coattails to success. And while imitation may be the greatest form of flattery, PALE imitation is the quickest route to creative bankruptcy. As evidenced by…

Kasumi Ninja

Add this to the list of sights I neither expected nor wanted to see.
Source: Moby Games

As is tradition here at The Archive, let’s knock out the most obvious example first so we can get to the interesting stuff.

Every gamer knows that Kasumi Ninja is bad. Of course it’s bad; it has all of the warning signs.

As if it wasn’t bad enough being a shameless clone of Mortal Kombat with it’s focus on gore and digitized graphics – the now abandoned practice of recording real actors and using still photos as sprite art, the game suffers from bad sound design that fails to add weight to the action, uninspired finishing moves, and even mild to extreme racism (two of the playable characters include a Scotsman that shoots fire from his kilt and a Native American that finishes matches by scalping his opponent).

But the biggest kiss-of-death for Kasumi Ninja was the fact that you could only play it on the Atari Jaguar, a platform often ranked by the gaming community among some of the worst consoles ever made and such a commercial failure that it forced Atari out of the home console market.

Tattoo Assassins

… How does he even move?
Source: Wikipedia

I debated putting this one in for a number of reasons.

For one, this game was technically never released. Developed by Data East as their answer to Mortal Kombat‘s Success, the only reason we know about it today is because a few prototype arcade cabinets found their way out to the public.

Secondly, it’s often hard to tell who was ripping off who. While it’s obvious that Data East wanted an MK of their own, it seems that several finishing moves from this game were later adopted by Midway for future  Mortal Kombat games; namely in the incorporation of the then new “Animalities.”

But, at the end of the day, it was still a bad MK knock-off. It’s shameless attempt to one-up Midway by featuring “2196 fatalities” – including several that humiliated your opponent by magically making them nude – meant that things like story, character design, audio engineering, art direction, and gameplay became an afterthought.

Oh, and there’s a Native American stereotype in this game, too (seriously, what’s the deal with fighting games and indigenous peoples?).


Dear god in heaven, keep it away!
Source: Destructoid

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the worst of the worst; a knock-off so bad that not even Wikipedia has an entry on it. It is the MK clone that time forgot.

Everything about Timeslaughter is a chore to sit through. It’s an ugly as sin DOS game that manages to fail at every level of game design. Art direction, voice acting, original design – you name it; this game screws it up.

Oh, and you know the (totally unintentional) theme of racial and cultural insensitivity that we’re building up here? This game doubles down on that by making everyone with an obvious ethnicity a terrible stereotype; the French, the Scots, the Chinese, and tribal Africans specifically.

Now, you could argue that one shouldn’t expect much from a game that had a dev team of only two dorks from high school – Ethan Petty and Icer Addis – and that I, as a lover of indie talent, should be more supportive of people whose clear motivation was to rally against digital censorship.

However, I would argue that their situation was no excuse for bad art.

Let me put it this way: you how some gamers will say, “I could make a better game than that,” when faced with garbage titles? Well, guess what? I HAVE made better games than this! One of my first tasks in my college graphic design classes was to code basic games and animations in Adobe Flash that looked, sounded, and functioned better than Timeslaughter. And for someone with no professional game design experience, that should not be possible.

But don’t take my word for it. This game is freeware now. So you can download it at no cost and experience the shrieking terror that is Timeslaughter yourself.