4 Kinds of Halloween Costumes That I Absolutely Don’t Want To See Anymore

All Hallows Eve is nearly upon us. I likely won’t writing next week as I’m part of a wedding party in on Halloween night (though, with the bride and groom’s blessing, I’ll post pictures like my vacation in Maine).

So instead, for this week, I’ll present to you a very quick and very simple (like most good ideas are) list of something that bothers me every year – the one and only thing I consistently hate about the Halloween season. It’s time to talk about the types of costumes that need to DIE.

I’m going to be a part of the happiest day of someone’s life that night and I may go to another party after that to meet with friends I haven’t met since I finished college. To that end, I will never forgive the ignorant soul that ruins that by making me see the red mist just by wearing…

The Lazy Movie/T.V. Show Tie-In Costume You Clearly Bought Less Than A Week Ago

Nothing says, “I stopped by the Rite Aid on my way to the party,” like a flimsy plastic mask.
Source: Alibaba.com

As a study in the field of psychology, I know how easy it can be to get an idea implanted in your head from some recent big budget production you were right to fall in love with. But that’s no excuse for laziness.

Granted that not everyone has or knows someone that has costuming skills, but a light search will reveal some pretty awesome costumes for a fair price. And if neither of those are an option, maybe you need to scale down your ambitions and accept that Ant-Man is an unrealistic goal for you to set.

Even if the end product comes out less impressive than you imagined while crafting it yourself, at least you had the heart to care enough to put effort into it. Quality isn’t the issue here; it’s lack of love.

Of course, quality can be a factor for a costume if it winds up being…

The “Ironically” Cheap Costume

The simple fact that I found this photo on Buzzfeed should be all the proof you need of this costume’s lack of quality and effort.
Source: Buzzfeed

Anyone who’s a fan of Homestar Runner knows these monstrosities – The kind of costumes that are just bags/boxes/regular street clothes that people try to pass as legit costumes.

Let’s cut to the chase here; you’re not being funny when you do this. The only thing you’re doing is, once again, displaying astounding laziness. Take the time to put together some decent effects – preferably ones that require at least a passing knowledge of sewing and/or the proper use of a hot glue gun.

The “Sexy” Costume

Oddly, they all come from the same company for the most part. Ain’t that interesting?
Source: Yandy.com

You can’t hear me groaning in disgust and frustration right now, but I assure you that it’s happening.

I get it; It’s the one night of the year that you can dress provocatively without being judged negatively for it (which is an issue for a much more serious article further down the road). And while I personally find nothing “sexy” about someone flaunting what they have with no restraint, I have no personal qualms with someone wanting to let it all hang out and proudly display what they have.

No, my issue comes in two other forms. Firstly, why are only women allowed to have “sexy” costumes? Seriously, every “sexy” costume I find is marketed towards ladies. Can’t guys be sexy, too? I can think of a few girls that would appreciate seeing some of my male friends shirtless in the brisk autumn air.

Secondly, the industry that makes “sexy” costumes seem to be dedicated to making the ugliest, most baffling costumes I’ve ever seen. It’s like they have a gambling pool to see which moronic costume will manage to sell best to the nitwits that are only interested in showing skin.

Bottom line: if you’re going to do a sexy costume this year, there should be some guys to help balance things out. And failing that, you’d better have something better than a dress that looks like a Twizzlers bag.

The Politically Charged/Designed-To-Offend Costume

Oh, you stupid son of a …!
Source: The Blaze

Okay, NOW you can probably hear me groaning.

It seems like every year, I have to endure some jackass who thinks he’s SO clever for wearing a mask of a presidential candidate or who made a costume that was actively meant to offend at least one person. All this because they think they’re being witty, topical, or promoting thought though artistic expression.

Look here, you blinkering c**k slot. Everyone at the party is too busy trying to drunkenly bob for apples and flirting with the sorority sister that came dressed as Power Girl (yes, even the straight women) to give a damn about your politically incorrect,  hack job idea of “subversive and edgy” art. And if someone DOES care, they’re probably just blitzed enough on a near lethal cocktail of cheap beer, Jägermeister, and Sterno to slug you in jaw without a sign of the precious thought you so hoped to invoke. Just dress up as something fun and tasteful; that’s what we came for.


Ragin’ Agent: The Importance of Cooperation In the Workplace (or How To Tell When Someone Is Slacking On the Job and Who)

I sense I may have to use this sign in the future.
Source: The Havok Journal

If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I try to talk about relevant things that are useful, important, or have an effect on a wide range of people. I also try to find example and site sources to make logically sound claims.

But sometimes things happen to me that cause me to go Super Saiyan and I just need to take out my aggression in my preferred medium.

So, I have a third shift job doing custodial maintenance for a company (that shall go unnamed for reasons that will soon become obvious) and I do enjoy it. It’s quiet hours, good pay, and the work – though lacking in satisfaction – is easy enough that it leaves me more brain space to focus on other details.

However, one of the problems of the job is that quite a large number of people feel they can get away with doing less work; leaving it for us poor third shift zombies to clean up. Let me put it this way…

When you find no less than five feet of toilet paper in each of the men’s bathroom stalls, someone’s slacking.

When there is a visible layer of dust on the back of the toilets so thick that you have to change your cleaning rag halfway through to avoid smearing it around, someone’s slacking.

When someone empties the women’s sanitary boxes (for the guys, the ladies’ room stalls have mini trash boxes for used personal hygiene stuff) but fails to put new liner bags in so that the next person has to muck out and clean them, someone’s slacking.

When you catch someone sleeping in the men’s room stalls and/or passing out in their car with the drivers door open and the engine running on multiple occasions, they are likely the ones slacking.

If you’re a manager and you wonder why things aren’t getting done on third shift when you add more tasks to the list, check to see if they aren’t being forced to pick up someone’s slack first.

There are a lot of ways to make the work place better for everyone and they aren’t hard to do.

Firstly, accept the idea that everything is everyone’s job. If you have the time after taking care of your priority tasks to do it, then do it. You’ll be saving the next person time which, if they take up the same habits, will eventually come back around to you.

Second, if you want to be a manager, you should do the job of each of the people you manage at least once. This will give you an idea of how much time and effort your employees need to put into their jobs and you can build reasonable expectations. Also, don’t assume that the job stays the same between shifts; that rarely happens.

Thirdly, have a manager or assistant on site at all times during peek hours. Many problem employees will try to get away with doing less (and often do) if they know their boss isn’t around to catch them. Just having two people to oversee the first two shifts is enough since one is bound to bump into the third shift if they aren’t doing their job.

In short, don’t be that guy/girl that everyone hates for making them do their work. Also, if my employers are reading this, I’ll happily take that assistant manager job we talked about up there if you can find someone to cover my shift. Sure, it means losing my quiet hours, but it’s worth it to make things run smoother for everyone.