Meghan Trainor’s Is Bad Advice For Women (And Insulting To Lonely Men)

Well, I teased it last week. I might as well say for real this time; I have no trust or faith left in Meghan Trainor as an artist.

What started as a few misgivings I noticed in All About That Bass devolved into anti-male insults in Lips Are Movin’ and again into outdated 50’s patriarchal family values in Dear Future Husband. But I feel that it’s her latest offering, , that encapsulates everything wrong her message as an artist.

I could complain about how she’s sold out and traded in the 50’s classic rock sound for a generic ‘angry girl’ pop sound, but this isn’t about her sound. This is about the text and subtext of her work; what she wants us to do with our lives as a society and how she’s demonstrably wrong.

So let’s waste no time. I’m going to breakdown Trainor’s lyrics to prove that she A) genuinely hates men and B) doesn’t know how feminism works.

“I think it’s so cute and I think it’s so sweet/How you let your friends encourage you to try and talk to me”

Wait, that’s a charming trait to you? Most people I know would take having to be goaded to do something as a sign of cowardice or lack of character. It’s not an accurate assessment I grant you, but it is the prevailing knowledge.

Also, please remember this; it’s going come back to bite her in her bass (*obligatory reference achieved*)

“But let me stop you there, oh, before you speak”

You might want to remember this too because she’s about to make a bunch of snap judgments on this guy without exchanging two words with him.

“My name is no/My sign is no/My number is no”

Okay, so this is ACTUALLY a good message to preach. After all, it’s important for everyone – men, women, and otherwise – to know that they have the right to refuse to put up with sexual harassment. I have no problems with this. It’s how she’s going to try to preach this word that bugs me.

Also, and I realize how petty a complaint this is, but has ANYONE worth being taken seriously ever used the phrase ‘what’s your sign’ unironically? I’m sorry, but I hear people treat that like a legit pick-up line and want to immediately want to deduct 20 IQ points.

“First you gonna say you ain’t runnin’ game, thinkin’ I’m believing every word”

That’s a pretty big leap in logic considering you stopped him before he could even speak to you. For all you know, you left your purse at the bar after your third Long Island Iced Ted and he just wants to return it.

“Call me beautiful, so original, telling me I’m not like other girls”

You know what Meg, You’re right. I shouldn’t pay you unoriginal complements. I should just tell you that you’re a sloppy bitch with the face of a bulldog and be on my way.

I understand the feeling of being approached by an undesirable. I really do. But even I’m not such a dick as to throw a legit compliment back in someone’s face. Are you telling me there was no more gentle way to turn this guy down? ESPECIALLY when you consider that you know he’s already so emotionally frail and nervous around you that he needed his friends to encourage him to even speak?

Actually, no. You don’t even KNOW that he was going to pay you a backhanded compliment because you shot him down before he got a word out.

“I was in my zone before you came along, now I’m thinking maybe you should go”

Well, how the hell did I know what you wanted? I’m not psychic; I’m human. We talk and communicate in order to exchange thoughts and ideas. Are you seeing the problem here, yet?

Wait, this song implies that we’re at a club. If you didn’t what to socialize with people, why the F*** are you in a social setting? If you just wanted to get drunk and dance with friends, you could have done that with fewer interruptions and less money with a bottle of rum and your Spotify playlist in your overpriced seaside house in Nantucket, Massachusetts.

“Blah, blah, blah, I be like nah to the ah to the no, no, no”

You know what OTHER phrase makes me deduct IQ points from you? ‘Blah blah blah.’ Not only does it sound childish, but it also implies that the speaker is closed minded and unthinking.

Seriously, Meg, You would have been better off saying ‘Yadda yadda yadda’ at this point.

“All my ladies, listen up/If that boy ain’t giving up/Lick your lips and swing your hips”

HOLY S***, that is TERRIBLE advice!

Girls, listen to me. Generally speaking, directed lip-licking and booty shaking are signs of sexual interest. So when you flirt like that with someone and then IMMEDIATELY shoot them down, you aren’t being some unstoppable valkyrie; you are mercilessly taunting a total stranger.

Now, for the sake of argument, let’s say Trainor is right and this guy IS a massive douchebag trying to get in her pants. What do you think a large, aggressive, primitive thinking and sexually frustrated human is likely to do when the woman of his affections taunts him with the fact that he ain’t getting any?

… Yeah, let that sink in. And if it’s not you because there are too many people around to get away with it, he’ll find someone just like you.

Congratulations, Meg. You just made the Men’s Rights Activists look right. Now we have to deal with even MORE of their ignorant garbage.

“Thank you in advance, I don’t wanna dance/I don’t need your hands all over me/If I want a man, then I’mma get a man/But it’s never my priority”

Okay, I could reiterate how you don’t ACTUALLY know this guy’s intent and the paradox of being anti-social in a social setting, but this is significantly better. We’re back to the message of sexual independence and not owing anyone anything in regards to sex. Awesome. Can we stay on this path?

“I was in my zone, before you came along, don’t want you to take this personal”

Of course not…

Meg, when you flat-out admit that you knew how nervous I was to speak to you, make massive assumptions about my intent, and then actively build up my confidence just to break me down again, HOW AM I TO TAKE THAT ANY OTHER WAY THAN PERSONAL?

Also, please stop saying, “… in my zone.” You’re just reminding me of Kanye West and you have enough problems without being associated with an egomaniacal rapper… though that may be an apt description if you keep on the path you’re on now.

“I’m feeling/Untouchable, untouchable”

And speaking as someone who was routinely targeted by bullies throughout his public school life – including having his hand broken, being thrown head first into a concrete wall, and being wheeled out of school with a concussion – THAT’S when you need to be most on guard.

Nothing will get you in more trouble than acting like you’re indestructible. You start to overestimate yourself and are more likely to treat others as beneath you. All it takes is one person to get sick of your pompous B.S. and you’re headed for a fall.

Also, this bridge is infuriatingly repetitive. Like, to the point where it feels a lot longer than it actually is.


So, all that being said, how should you ACTUALLY handle a pushy prick at the bar?

Well, for starters, be on guard while maintaining a respectful atmosphere. Let them say their piece and if you aren’t interested, politely decline.

If they press the matter, don’t be afraid to seek help. This is something these Faux-Feminist anthems tend to leave out since the authorities that could help (bartenders and bouncers, in this case) are typically men. And, “we can’t have men around to aid the cause of women. That would make us seem hypocritical and won’t sell albums. Sorry, can’t hear your logic and legitimate concerns over the sound of all this MONEY!”

So to conclude the longest rant I’ve ever gone on,  I hate this song and, by extension, the woman who sings it because they promote a ‘us versus them’ mentality to sexual politics, give potentially dangerous advice, and think that the best way to combat gender discrimination is to objectify the other side even more than what they were inflicting on you.

I can’t be the only one that sees the folly in acting like this; emulating the worst aspects of arrogance and cruelty found in the people we can’t stand. Even if you do buy into Trainor’s ‘boys are stupid; throw rocks at them’ mentality, do you really want to live in a world where the only way to be respected as a woman… is to act like a man?

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The Agent’s Thought Dump

I have too many thinks! Emergency trepanning, STAT!
Source: Know Your Meme

So, after last week’s barrage of righteous vitriol and the pain of the blooming trees surrounding my apartment assaulting my sinuses, I just need something simple and calm to work on in order to decompress as the seasonal allergies pass. As such, I’m going to take a page out of “MovieBob” Chipman’s playbook and do some spring cleaning with my idea files.

Like Bob, I often run into the problem of having tons of ideas and not being able to get them on digital paper. Sometimes they get lost in the shuffle of other more relevant/prominent thoughts. Sometimes I don’t feel I have enough info to work of off. And sometimes I just need a few days of mental prep before I can work up the nerve to tear something apart.

It’s like George Carlin once said, “I got a lot of good ideas. Trouble is, most of them suck.” So today, I’m going to share all of those sucky ideas with you in the hope that they may prove interesting and that some day they’ll be more organized and less sucky.

Let us waste no more time as we delve into the recesses of my mind and ponder the mysteries that only I care about like…

“Whitewashing” in films is becoming a problem again, isn’t it?

Between the upcoming Ghost in the Shell and Doctor Strange movies quickly approaching, there’s been a lot of complaints about Asian characters being portrayed by caucasian actresses.

The problem I’m having is that I’m seeing both sides of the issue and can’t make a definite stance either way. On one hand, as a stage performer myself, I know how much of a pain it can be to find the right person for the role and you have to make due with what you have (we never went as far as race swapping, but we did have to have performers cross-dress in order to fill roles).

On the other, there’s no denying that this is a missed opportunity for a few minority actors and actresses to break out and find an audience. And as someone who like to see fresh talent at work, that’s kind of sad.

Overall, at least for now until new information surfaces, I’m more forgiving towards Doctor Strange since their whitewashing is in service to removing the Asian mysticism stereotype and feels like it wasn’t intentionally racist. Ghost in the Shell; not so much. I love Scarlett Johansson, but she should have known better than agree to play a Japanese woman in a Japanese setting in a movie about Japan.

I’m losing weight… and I don’t know how to feel about it…

This one comes from the personal thoughts and quandaries file, but it’s one of those thoughts I feel needs to be broadcasted on the off chance that someone else feels the same and needs some comforting.

So, ever since I moved out roughly eight or nine months ago, I’ve been steadily dropping pounds like a clumsy British banker. I’ve lost at least six inches off my waist since this started.

And while I’ve been getting my fair share of compliments on the subject, I can’t help but be spooked by it. It’s happening very quickly, my clothes are hanging off of me, and – while I feel healthy – I think that I look drawn and exhausted. Add to that the fact I rarely get breaks on the job and am in constant motion (New Hampshire labor laws suck, remember?), and I worry that I’m headed for a bad time.

It may just be over-thinking on my part, but it is a concern and I hope that others in the same boat might be able to identify with the feeling.

Meghan Trainor betrayed me… AGAIN.

What is this, Meg – the third time you stabbed me in the back after I stood up for you?

Many of you may recall my regrets at calling Meghan Trainor a feminist icon in music while still defending her as an artist. Well, she went and diddled me again!

Between the successes of Dear Future Husband and NO, it’s pretty obvious that I was completely wrong about Trainor. She’s more than just not pro-woman; she’s anti-man.

I know that sounds like I’m being a Men’s Right Activist, but if you listen to her long enough (as the radio at work has forced me to do), you start to notice repeating themes of taunting and self-interest in her lyrics that are inimical to feminist theory and assert her false sense of authority over men and women alike; with men seeming to be her preferred target.

I’ll probably do a lyrical breakdown of NO at some point to prove my stance, but it’s like I said in the beginning. Last week just sucked all the joy from me and I don’t have the strength to deal with Meg’s B.S. at this point. Just know that her day of reckoning is coming.

Why Katie Ka-boom Was The Worst Thing To Happen To Animaniacs

Don’t look at me with that cutesy smile, you conniving trollop. I know your evil thoughts are brewing…
Source: legion1979.tumblr.com

Last night, my friends and I celebrated the arrival of Animaniacs on Netflix by binge-watching over tacos. It was nice to see how most of the show still holds up after over two decades.

That said, nothing is without sin. And the biggest sin in this show’s record, at least in my mind, is the teenage terror that is Katie Ka-Boom.

If you don’t remember Katie, good for you – you were able to blank her out of your mind and ignore her while waiting for more Slappy Squirrel segments like my younger self. But now, looking back, there is just so much wrong with her as a character and I understand why she never took off as a staple of the show or was accepted by the fans. For instance…

She’s not funny

The entire premise of the Katie Ka-Boom segments is that Katie is a teenage girl who loses her mind with every minor social misstep or foible. The twist in this cliché is that she transforms into a series of grotesque monsters based on the stressor of the day which ultimately result in the terrorization of her family and destruction of the house – usually through a massive explosion; hence her name.

There is a germ of a good idea here that could have been made into a passable laugh, but there is no variation to the theme. They even reuse the same lines and gags. It’s just incredibly lazy writing.

And, of course, when I’m not laughing at the show, I’m asking plot-hole exposing questions that further pull me out of the experience like, “Why does Katie transform like that? Is she related to Bruce Banner” or, “How does she even HAVE a social life to fret over? Wouldn’t the other kids at school be too afraid to talk to her knowing she demolishes her home on a daily basis?”

There are many sins one can commit in entertainment, but not being funny in a comedy (or not entertaining in any regard) is the worst because it can only bring the other problems into clearer view.

She’s a living middle finger to teens and women

There are two things we praise Animaniacs for consistently; it’s desire to treat it’s younger audience as intelligent, critical people and it’s progressive depiction of women.

On the youth end, the show was known for surprisingly informative segments shipped as comedy as well as respecting their maturity with some more *ahem* ‘adult humor.’

As for the women of Animaniacs, they had a knack for independence and proving their capableness in hard times. Even blatantly sexualized characters like Hello Nurse and Minerva Mink demonstrated amazing intellect and cunning; proving they had the brain to complement their beauty.

So, imagine how much of a kick in the head it is to see a character like Katie who basically says that all teens – especially teen women – are irrational, emotionally unstable, sub-humans.

… Yeah. kinda makes you angry, doesn’t it? But not as angry as when you realize that…

She is demonstrably and radically evil

Let’s cut through the crap and get to the big point; this is the story of a spoiled rotten child oppressing and controlling her family through violence in order to get everything she wants. You know what we call that in the real world? DOMESTIC ABUSE.

Yes, in a world of whimsy and cartoon antics, there exist abuse victims. There was one episode in particular (the clip of which I sadly can’t find online) that demonstrated this shockingly well when, for a brief moment after being corrected by Katie, her mother quickly recoils back in fear with arms raised saying, “my mistake.” Speaking as someone with a minor background in psychology, such actions and hyper-awareness in social situations are clear symptoms of an abuse victim.

If the show just had a passable exaggeration beyond the supernatural powers, it could have played itself off as a dark comedy. But, as we have established, Katie Ka-Boom is NOT funny; she’s evil. Like, the ‘monster-that we-need-The-Avengers-to-fight’ kind of evil.

Debate Time: Agent vs. Anti-Feminism

Source: SparkSummit.com

You mean women aren’t just animate slabs of beef that clean the house and you can put your willy inside of? Preposterous!
Source: SparkSummit.com

Edit as of !0/25/2013: Due to the author need to check multiple sources simultaneously while working on these articles, a link to a misleading article regarding women’s pay in the work place was posted in place of a more reliable one. The author apologizes to anyone who might have been confused or offended by this.

One of my favorite past times is to take a topic and debate or disprove its theory in order to test the thinking of the other party or show the holes in their logic. I may not even particularly disagree with them; I just want to flex my brain power and keep others on their toes.

This time, however, I’m actively trying to fight the party in question because Anti-Feminists are some of the most narrow-minded and personally offensive people I’ve ever encountered. I rank them among homophobes and racists as people responsible for holding back social progress. Today, I’ll take my stand by taking some of the most common arguments and philosophies I’ve heard and spiting them back into their slack-jawed open mouths so they can eat their own words.

“Why Is This Still Even An Issue?”

This is a common argument mostly heard from people who think that, just because an issue started years before their time, it’s not their problem and it was thoroughly solved by their parents/grandparents/et cetera.

What you’re displaying here is what I call ‘unperceptive bigotry.’ It’s the notion that just because we’ve made great strives against a problem that it no longer exists. Yes, it’s true that we’ve come a long way in woman’s rights – they can vote, work, and have more reproductive freedom. The problem is that you can’t touch up the paint on wrecked car and call it fixed and you can’t do a little legislation on a generations long social problem and call it a non-issue.

Women still only make 77 percent what men do in the work place, terms like ‘legitimate rape‘ are still being used in common parlance, and people who don’t realize these and other issues still exist are only hurting the process of fixing them. It’s the classic coda of, “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”

“Don’t We Have Other Things More Important To Work On?”

Okay, we do have wars, foreign policies, and an economy to work on. I understand that and I try to make allowances for that. But isn’t multitasking (and, of course, insuring even distribution of power) part of the reason we divided our government up into multiple branches and offices ran by large numbers of people?

Even on a personal level, are you saying that you don’t have time to worry about this? Do you know how ineffective I’d be if I couldn’t keep several metaphorical irons in the fire? I wouldn’t be in school, working on the family farm, AND writing this blog if I didn’t have the capacity to share my empathy with multiple issues.

In short, I think we can all sacrifice an hour a day from our daily Facebook binge to consider how an issue affects us and share that thought with someone who can help do something about it. Speaking of how issues affect us…

“Gender Equality Isn’t An Issue That Affects Me.”

Really? Are you suggesting that you have NO gender? Even if you identify as gender neutral, that’s still a gender.

Or perhaps you mean that your gender is unaffected by this debate because you’re a man. Well, wouldn’t that suggest that you don’t care about the well-being of your mother? What about your wife? Your daughter? Are you so content to let them suffer?

Every issue has an effect on EVERYONE – directly or indirectly. Understanding that long web of connections that we call ‘The Big Picture’ is the key to solving any challenges we experience in society.

“Feminism Emasculates And Victimizes Men!”

… How? Tell me it makes you less of a man. You brought it up; now give me your well-thought out factual data, Mr. Unga-Bunga Zug-Zug Macho Man.

This is easily the stupidest argument for anti-feminism I’ve ever heard. I’ve asked the above question of every man who uses this defense and not a single one has given me a reasonable, fact based answer.

Men, hear me now: the world will not end just because you have to share it with the other kids on the playground. Please try to keep things in perspective.

Last thoughts

Before anyone asks or tries to throw my own sex back at me as a counterpoint, no, I’m not saying this just to ‘get in good with women.’ My Coming Out Day Article should have made it clear that I don’t have that particular motive.

I’m just so honestly tired of fighting about something that should be obvious to even the least observant people. Let’s try to be a little more fair in our treatment of people regardless of what our 23rd pair of chromosomes looks like.