The Agent’s Lyrical Breakdown of Luke Bryan’s “Most People Are Good”

So, no sooner did I put out my declaration of disgust for Country music, I found one that seemed to fly in the face of most of my statements.

Luke Bryan’s ” Most People Are Good” isn’t a sad, pity song like most old-school Country nor is it an obnoxiously chipper party anthem that co-ops Rap because it’s too ashamed to be called country. Instead, what we have here is an inspirational ballad meant to lift spirits and keep us soldiering on through hard times because life is worth living – a sentiment that I’ve championed more than a few times here.

So by that logic, you’d think I’d like this song. But, no. There are a lot of lyrics that I have hang-ups with that make my skin crawl. And since I had so much fun destroying Meghan Trainor’s work by applying logic to her lyrics, I thought I could do the same with Luke here to edify while getting some cheap yuks through riffing. So, let’s begin.

“I believe kids oughta stay kids as long as they can…”

You hear that, mom and dad? Luke wants me to move back in with you and sit around the house watching old Looney Tunes shorts and eating Kix cereal.

Look, living life like you’re young is okay to a point, but you’ve got to grow up and forge your own way at some point.

“… Turn off the screen, go climb a tree, get dirt on their hands”

Ah, so that first line just meant that you’re a crotchety old bastard who doesn’t like them new-fangled smarty phones.

You do realize that ‘the screen’ you want me to turn off is the only way most of us even know who the hell you are, right? Traditional radio is being fazed out and almost no one consumes physical media anymore. So maybe you shouldn’t, to reference a better musical talent, “bite the hand that feeds”.

“I believe we gotta forgive and make amends/’Cause nobody gets a second chance to make new old friends”

A noble sentiment and all, but a bit too broad for my comfort levels. I can think of quite a few people I wouldn’t want to rekindle a friendship with; school bullies, egomaniac ex-girlfriends, junkies, ETC. You’ve got to start vetting people a little bit for your own sake.

“I believe in working hard for what you’ve got/Even if it don’t add up to a hell of a lot”

So do I. I’m an old farmer’s kid myself. However, the way you word it here makes it sound like you think we shouldn’t demand better for that hard work. You should always demand better and fair pay for your effort. That’s LITERALLY what this whole “Fight for $15” campaign to raise the minimum wage is all about.

“I believe most people are good/And most mama’s oughta qualify for sainthood”

Firstly, I think Sturgeon’s Law would argue with you on that first point.

Secondly, I love my parents. They’ve always been supportive of me even when I was a genuine scumbag. But speaking of parents in general, they’re just like any other group of people; a few keepers and a WHOLE LOT OF BASTARDS. Just ask the gay kid with the homophobic mom if he thinks she’s saint material. Ask the beaten and bruised girl what she thinks of her alcoholic dad when he abuses her. The idea that parents deserve your respect by default just because they farted you out of/into their orifices is an outdated and toxic one and needs to be buried. Let them earn respect like everyone else.

“I believe most Friday nights look better under neon or stadium lights”

Okay, neon lights CAN be pretty. But so can the stars that the light pollution from your lights blots out. This is just subjective B.S. meant to pander to emotion and doesn’t add anything to your critical commentary on the state of the world. Next line, please.

“I believe you love who you love/Ain’t nothing you should ever be ashamed of”

You know what? I can’t complain about this line. I totally agree with you on this.

Though if I had to nit-pick (which I do for the sake of comedy), your lack of mastery of proper English is starting to wear thin on me.

“I believe this world ain’t half as bad as it looks”

That may be true, but that doesn’t mean you start slacking off. When you see a problem, you attack it head on – you protest, raise awareness, raise money, organize people, ETC. Letting things fall by the wayside just because, “it’s not a big deal,” is how things BECOME a big deal.

“I believe them streets of gold are worth the work/But I still wanna go even if they were paved in dirt”

Well, scientifically speaking, gold is so heavy for its size and so much softer than standard paving asphalt that the cost of transporting and upkeep would NOT be worth the work. But I get what you’re saying. It’s the same chestnut as before with your “working hard for what you’ve got” line and I stand by my rebuttal.

Also, what’s with you cowboy types and your dirt obsession? I can only imagine that folks like this see pictures of dust bowls and get the most Brobdingnagian erections you’ve ever seen.

“I believe that youth is spent well on the young/’Cause wisdom in your teens would be a lot less fun”

Oh yeah. Not knowing how to balance my bank account, wondering how credit cards work, paying people to do my taxes because no one taught me, trying to learn to cook on my own. Every day was just like F***ING DISNEYLAND as a teen.

Seriously though, this line pisses me off more than any of the others. This whole “ignorance is bliss” bulls*** needs to stop.

“I believe if you just go by the nightly news/Your faith in all mankind would be the first thing you lose”

Well, sure, if your only news sources are angry d-bags on either side of the political spectrum like Fox or Young Turks. That’s why I have #GoodNewsFriday on my Twitter and Facebook pages. You’ve got to spice it up. Get your news from a variety of sources.

“I believe that days go slow and years go fast/And every breath’s a gift, the first one to the last”

And more emotional pandering. Not the best way to end your song, sir.


Okay, I rag on the lyrics here. But I don’t honestly think Luke is as shallow as I’ve made him out to be here. As it turns out, this kind of sappy, feel-good music is just really easy to make fun of.

Unfortunately for Mr. Bryan, happy music that acts like it has all the answers just doesn’t make for good art to me. Combine that with the slow, edgeless tone, and you have a song that fails on just about every level to engage me.

Ah, this was fun. Remind me to do this again sometime.

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Why The Agent Dislikes (Modern) Country Music

Ladies, gentlemen, and fellow enbies: everything wrong with modern Country music in a single image.
Source: Best Top 10

So, I may have gone on record more than a few times voicing my displeasure with the state of the genre of music we know as Country. Most of that is due to my boss’ insistence on playing a Country music station at work EVERY. SINGLE. GODDAMN. DAY.

Now, I realize that a lot of people can be VERY sensitive when something they love gets criticized. And you know what? I totally get it. When you love a particular art form enough, any attack on it can feel like an attack on you personally. It’s the main reason why we nerds get into such heated debates about our passions (that and debate is fun and healthy).

But I don’t like feeling like I’m just singling people out with malicious intent. If I ridicule something you love, it’s because I’ve found something questionable or objectionable about it that ruins my ability to enjoy it; not because I think you are an inferior person for enjoying it. So, let’s discuss my rationale for why Country music repulses me so.

Firstly, I want to make it clear that it’s mostly the turn that modern Country has taken – not Country as a whole – that perturbs me. Granted, I have issues with Classic Country as well, but that’s mostly an unfortunate byproduct of my upbringing. My parents raised me on Classic Rock and Hair Metal. When your life’s soundtrack consists of Aerosmith, AC/DC, and Kiss, everything else seems soft and unengaging.

But, even then, I’m still neutral to Classic Country at most times. Compared to the stuff we get today though, the likes of John Denver and Johnny Cash may as well be Freddie Mercury to my ears. Being assaulted with today’s Country has had the effect of allowing me to reassess those old-timey tracks with a more favorable ear.

Really, my disdain for modern Country comes from what seems to be its two largest modern sub-genres; Bro-Country and Country Rap (AKA; Hick Hop).

The problem that I have with these classes of music is two-fold. Firstly, the subject matter never seems to change. This was a (slightly less prevalent) problem in Classic Country as well with its performers working on the unchanging theme of, “my life sucks, but I’ll get by with enough booze.”

In today’s country scene, they dial that up to eleven. Nearly every song I hear coming over that radio is about A) glorifying alcoholism, B) Objectifying women, or C) turning to alcoholism to cope with the loss of an objectified woman. So not only is it infuriatingly repetitive, it repeats an equally infuriating theme. When the modern country station I have to listen to needs to sneak in pop tracks that are over 10 years old to spice it up, you know the genre is getting stale.

Secondly, the thing that Bro-Country and Country Rap have in common is the reliance on Rap-style production and themes. And as much as I loathe the word “cultural appropriation,” I can’t shake the feeling that it may be at play here.

To be clear, not all of these artists are apeing Rap to keep their careers afloat because it’s just how pop music sounds today. Hell, you can even make a legitimate case that Rap and Country have a common cousin in Talking Blues. Plus, with Rap dominating the sound of Pop Music and with Country being the number one radio format, the two were bound to come together eventually.

However, Rap is a lot more than just a style of music. It’s one of the “4 pillars” of Hip Hop. Rap, along with DJing, Break Dancing, and Graffiti, form the basis of an entire culture of artistic expression that defined life for countless people that, while not possessing great monetary wealth, were rich in history and pride. To take that for yourself for no other reason other than, “because the kids like it,” is kind of disrespectful – especially when you boil it down to a couple of tired and problematic tropes.

So, in conclusion, modern country is a tired, old, cliche-ridden genre that shamelessly rips off other, more popular genres without understanding the societal weight of the art form it’s attempting to emulate and it really needs to take a few steps back to reassess its current position in life before I start considering it good art.

And while I’m ragging on music genres, all of the above applies to Contemporary Christian as well (saved me writing a future article there).

3 Shakespeare-inspired Stories You Should Absolutely Experience At Least Once

Happy Ides of March, Field Operatives!

This is the day that the internet rises up to show their love of one of William Shakespeare’s most beloved historical dramas, Julius Caesar. I’m no different; I am a Bardolator – a term used to describe lovers of Shakespeare that was once used as a pejorative (the word is meant to be a portmanteau of ‘Bard’ and ‘Idolator’) but, like most titles in art, was re-appropriated and embraced by the very people it was meant to demean.

However, I feel that focusing on only Julius Caesar does a huge disservice to The Bard. I’m far more interested in how his works continue to influence us and our media. We continue to retell these stories with different perspectives, characters, and contexts to such an extent that we now question what he actually meant to tell us half the time.

So today, to celebrate the Ides of March, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite films and books that bare the tinge of the western world’s most celebrated playwright as I encourage you to seek them out and experience them the way I did.

 Akira Kurosawa’s Throne of Blood

Japan – a country that has been historically cut off from the western world and only taking influences in very small, heavily modified doses – has had a difficult time importing The Bard. In fact, the earliest attempts played the drama of Shakespeare off as farcical comedy.

However, acclaimed director Akira Kurosawa found the ideal way to make Shakespeare’s Macbeth work in a Japanese context.

First, he chose a more familiar art form to translate The Bard into. Instead of western theatre, Kurosawa draws his visual style from Japanese Noh theatre. The expressions, makeup, and actions of the cast are meant to resemble Noh actors and masks; a medium that takes full advantage of the talents of our leading actor, the incomparable Toshiro Mifune.

Second, parts of western mythology that would be foreign to Japanese viewers were replaced with similar tales from Shinto folklore. This is most noticeable in the removal of The Weird Sisters, inspired by Greek tales of The Three Fates, and grafting in their place an Onibaba – a demon hag made a legend in the tale Kurozuka (lit. “The Black Mounds”) where she tempted two monks to their deaths whilst singing of the pathetic fates of mortals.

Lastly, Kurosawa changes the message to reflect more Buddist ideals rather than western Christian ones. In the British world, there is a cyclical system of rule where chosen monarch replaces chosen monarch. Evil comes when a wicked ruler takes power and can only be undone by a good ruler – “The king is dead; Long live the king.” In Throne of Blood, it is the desire for that power that’s evil and, without spoiling the movie, ultimately spells the final fates of the cast.

Even if you struggle to appreciate the different cultural lens, this is still worth watching just to see some of the greatest film talents of Japan who have shaped the cinematic world as a whole.

Rozencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead

Starting life as a stage play before making its way to film, Rozencrantz and Guildenstern Are Dead is a retelling of Hamlet from the perspective of the titular comic relief side characters Rosencrantz and Guildenstern (… dur-hey).

While it’s easy to play the entire show off as comedy, I feel a lot is lost in doing that. This is, in fact, a prime example of a style of performance known as “The Theatre of The Absurd,” a style of fiction that has its cast delve into existentialist thought only to find almost everything absurd – that is to say, “meaningless.” If you remember my pontification of the works of Albert Camus, you’re already familiar with the concept of Absurdist philosophy.

Rozencrantz and Guildenstern spend the bulk of the show questioning why they do what they’re doing and wind up with so many more questions than answers, they make a game out of them that would later inspire the show Whose Line Is It Anyway? The ultimate answer ends up being that they are actors merely playing their chosen roles both on the stage and in life and that they, and we by extension, must see the play to its conclusion; “The show must go on.”

This is a great introduction to The Theatre of The Absurd and I recommend you see it either on stage or on the screen.

William Shakespeare’s Star Wars

Yes, this is a thing… and it is amazing.
Source: writingwithaesop.blogspot.com

Shifting from film to literature, did you know the same publishing company that distributed Pride and Prejudice and Zombies also brought us the Star Wars films redone in the style of William Shakespeare?

Author Ian Doescher does an amazing job in recreating The Bard’s style; not only is every episode recreated in iambic pentameter with all of the requite thee’s and thou’s, but he also uses some of Shakespeare’s notable deviations such adding an extra unstressed beat – known as a “weak ending” – for meek characters like Shakespeare did for Hamlet or replacing the elegant verse for simpler prose for the lower born bounty hunter Boba Fett.

But what makes Doescher stand out is how he deviates from THOSE deviations. He does things that Shakespeare likely never would have conceived of. Such examples include dropping a beat of iambic pentameter for the character of Jar-Jar Binks (because he’s “one beat short of a verse,” get it?) and writing Yoda entirely in Haiku.

Not only is this series a fun way to introduce newbies to iambic pentameter, it’s amazing just how far even the most cringe-worthy moments and lines from the movies are elevated by being written in Shakespeare’s style.

3 Games That The Agent Has Been Playing for The Last Month

I’m not sure why, but it seems that I’ve been losing interest in the triple-A gaming scene as I grow older.

Maybe I’m just bitter about how “games were better back then.” Perhaps I’m just legitimately more interested in what indie developers are doing. There’s the real chance that I’m just busy out of the house more often these days and I spend more time with cheap, free-to-play fare on my phone. Whatever the reason, I find myself drawn away from big budget releases in favor of indie games, classic re-releases, and mobile games these days.

And since I’ve been having a ball with taxes, family issues, and the like, let’s take a simpler approach this week and look at a few rapid-fire impressions from some games that have been holding my attention lately.

Ōkami HD

Scary!… but also pretty…
Source: PC Gamer

Let’s start with the classic re-releases, shall we?

I first played Ōkami on the Nintendo Wii and forwent the PlayStation 2 release thinking that the Wii motion controls would be better suited to a game centered around accurate brush movements (go ahead and get the giggles out now, a-holes; I’m sure it’s hilarious in hindsight), but the limited screen resolution made it very difficult to enjoy. After, a game about literally creating art should be, at the very least, pretty to look at.

The HD re-release addresses both the control and presentation issues I had in the past. There’s still a degree of challenge to accurate brush strokes, but none of that jittery nonsense from the motion controls. Plus, this is one of the few times I’d argue that an HD graphics overhaul was worth re-buying the game. Again, the one thing a game about art needs to get right is to at least look nice.

Other than that, it’s the exact same game as before; just as much fun and just as rich is Japanese folklore (so there’s this 3-part Kabuki theatre dance based on the folktale of Orochi on YouTube that you should totally watch…).

Reign of Bullets

Did somebody say, “EXPLOSIONS?”
Source: Steam

Next, the smaller indie stuff…

So, of the games I’ve been playing, I’ve been playing this the least – not because it’s bad, but because it’s better suited as a time waster and I’ve had little in the way of time to waste.

The story is kinda cute; a giant corporation literally drops a freeway on your garage and you go vigilante to take it back. Reading the passive-aggressive tweet storms between you and the bad guys over who has the worse business practices is amusing if nothing else.

The game also features tons of customisability as you earn new weapons and upgrades for your ship. But, as I said, it’s a time waster; You’re going to want to have some free time to dedicate to grinding for cash and parts. That kind of gameplay is good for when you want to just not think about stuff, but I find I’m not exactly the kind of person that enjoys not thinking.

Blustone

 

Prepare combat sequence for ludicrous speed!
Source: Google Play

And lastly, naturally, we come to the mobile game that I wish was more fun for me than it actually is.

Made of equal parts RPG and Idle Clicker, Blustone is pretty straightforward; you build a team, train them up, and tap on the screen ’till the bad guys go ‘boom.’

The problem is that, like most RPGs I’ve played, it starts out fast-paced and exciting, but slows down quickly to a slog of a level grinder. Plus, I found myself kinda distracted by the blatantly cutesy fanservice (how many bunny girls do you need, game?).

That said, there was ONE character that got a laugh out of me; an ice skater named Yuri (Get it?… Her name is Yuri… and you can say that she’s “on ice.”).

The Agent Reviews a Game: Space Shooter: Galaxy Attack

This blank, boring promo offend ALL of my senses as a graphic designer. But as for the game…
Source: Google Play

Well, color me surprised. Here I am, hunting for the ONE good mobile I can enjoy, and it was hiding right in front of me.

In my defense, everything about Space Shooter: Galaxy Attack screamed, “don’t play this; it’s garbage and we REALLY didn’t care about it beyond a paycheck.” Every piece of promotional material attached to this game is some of the most bland-looking, generic marketing wank I’ve ever seen. Even the title is so generic, I had to review and analyze screenshots like they were courtroom evidence just to make sure I wasn’t looking at footage from a different, equally generic looking game.

That said, when I actually got to playing it, I was surprised at how well it held up.

As the title ham-fistedly tells us, Space Shooter: Galaxy Attack is a space-themed shooter. You may recall my frothing at the mouth rage towards the last mobile shooter I played. Well, I was able to detect a trace of enjoyability through my fury-blurred vision and decided to look for other shooters to try in the hope that they would correct the mistakes of Fastlane. And, for the most part, Space Shooter nailed it.

The controls are AMAZINGLY responsive. My main problem with  Fastlane was that it didn’t actually track your finger which led to a lot of easily avoidable deaths. Space Shooter wins by default by having your ship lock to where ever you tap your finger, allowing for tight maneuvers and rapid response to threats.

And by god are their threats to be had. This game is just shy of a Touhou Project level bullet hell shooter – especially when you get to the boss fights and SUPER ESPECIALLY in Boss Fight Mode when they get amped up to eleven.

Oh yeah, there are multiple modes to play. There’s a ‘story mode’ (in the loosest sense as there is no plot) with three difficulty levels -Normal, Elite and Veteran. Boss Fight Mode has you rechallenging the bosses in the story with new ridiculous firing patterns that put your skills to the test, the Arena and Trial Modes give you a chance at snagging glory on a global leaderboard, and Endless Mode gives you a chance to grind some coin out of the alien menace to upgrade your ships.

Honestly, speaking of Endless Mode, that may be my only hang up with this game so far. Endless mode is WAY too easy. With a fully powered-up ship, I can cruise through over 200 waves while barely even touching the screen to steer. It’s pretty obvious that it exists only for level grinding.

Really, the thing you’re going to want to play this game for is the PvP. Yeah, this has a competitive multiplayer mode where you and a friendly rando from around world race against the clock to snatch the highest score. I thought it was totally mindless at first, but there’s actually a fair amount of strategy involved. What the fastest way to clear this wave to pull ahead of your opponent? Do you stick with your favorite ship to clear waves faster or grab the ship change power-up for a quick point boost?

As for the ads and pay-to-win shenaniganry I railed against in my Fastlane review, they are all completely optional here. Yes, there are buttons urging you to buy other games everytime you die, but they’re incorporated into the game over screen directly so as to be as unintrusive as possible. And if there ARE long video ads to watch, the game gives you the option to ignore them if the promise of extra coins or reviving your ship doesn’t appeal to you. Even the prices in the in-game store were more than fair; the starter pack is a steal at 99 cents.

This isn’t the sort of game that will hold me for long periods of time and it doesn’t compare to the big budget or even indie PC games I prefer to spend my time on. That said, I can’t state enough just how amazed I was that this seemingly hokey game that looked like it was made just to rake in a quick buck turned out so good. I highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good mobile game to hold you on a long road trip or waiting room visit.

I guess the lesson to be learned here is that the ol’ chestnut of ‘less is more’ really does hold true in the mobile gaming market.

Why Ed, Edd, n Eddy‘s Rolf May Be One of My Favorite Characters In Fiction

… Not that I want to do a few bars of ‘That’s My Horse’ or anything, but still…
Source: Know Your Meme

So, I’ve been reanalyzing and reevaluating some long-neglected mementos of entertainment media from my childhood.

… which is the Double D way of saying, “I’ve been rewatching old cartoons from the 80’s and 90’s with a heavy focus on Ed, Edd, n Eddy.

But in all seriousness, every time I look back at these old shows, I’m always surprised how much the stories and characters imprinted on me as a child. Even more surprising though are WHICH characters contributed to the formation of my psyche.

Case in point, I was amazed at how relevant to my life the token strange foreign kid Rolf was and still is.

There was so much to love about this bizarre son of a shepherd from an undisclosed old world country (more on that later) and so much that I never realized influenced me as a child. But now that I’m older, I can truly appreciate how…

Rolf had an AMAZING work ethic

If a pig got into my chicken coop, I’d be a bit miffed too.
Source: book-o-scams.tumblr.com

One of the things Rolf and I have in common was that we both came from farming families that found their way into suburban settings. And like Rolf’s parents, mine were quick to impart the value of hard work.

You don’t often see kids like Rolf in media these days. It’s not to say that the modern office drone doesn’t labor vigorously in their own right, but it’s much easier to convey the idea of ‘hard work’ when you can see the sweat they put into it.

All of this taught him to respect the effort that went into producing something as well as the person providing it – a certain level of common decency that any retail worker will tell you is sadly absent today.

Rolf believes in cultural exchange

It ain’t easy to become a ‘man of the world.’
Source: Gfycat

As mentioned, Rolf is an immigrant child from a place only described as “The Old Country.” This is a big deal as series creator Danny Antonucci is a child of Italian immigrants and based Rolf’s actions and interactions on his life growing up (Side note: he kept Rolf’s nationality intentionally vague so as not to offend anyone).

Rolf struggles to integrate into his new home but still tries to regardless. To make the transition easier, he still maintains his own traditions and actively shares them with the other neighborhood kids who – despite being weirded out most of the time – still love him and enjoy having him around. In fact, they seem to enjoy his traditions most of the time.

Which brings me to…

Rolf’s just a really friendly and courteous guy

It’s the thought that counts.
Source: Imgur

Despite his many missteps in learning the culture of… whatever country the city of Peach Creek is in (I suspect Canada given the show’s production), Rolf is deeply respected among the neighborhood kids. That’s because, at the end of the day, he genuinely cares for them, helps them whenever he can, contributes to the neighborhood as a whole (remember, he leads the Boy Scout-esque Urban Rangers) and celebrates their achievements alongside them even if he doesn’t quite understand the significance.

Of course, like any healthy human being, Rolf can only take “the burden of hospitality” for so long without recompense. And when that happens…

Rolf had some of the best one-liners and insults EVER

Even when you don’t get it, it still hurts.
Source: pi-la.tumblr.com

One of the inspirations Danny Antonucci took from growing up with immigrant parents while making Rolf was the heavy use of proverb in their speech. Almost every line where he’s putting down an offending person or offering sage advice to another is steeped in metaphor. It then becomes a game of wit and intellect to decipher.

This results in one-liners and insults that not only cut deep but bewilder the minds of opponents; Which is what you want when you throw shade at someone. After all, the worst way you can follow up an insult is to be too taken aback to respond.

I would dare say that Rolf’s insult game is borderline Shakespearian. And before any of you try to tell me that Shakespeare would never write a line of dialog where someone tells another that, “your garden is overgrown and your cucumbers are soft,” (no translation needed, I hope) go back and read/watch The Taming of The Shrew and you may find out why Katherina was so insulted by Petruchio’s talk of tongues and tails. Or consider that Aaron the Moor from Titus Andronicus may have been the deliverer of the world’s first ‘Yo Mama’ joke.

Rolf basically taught me how to appreciate ‘the gentle stab’ when it comes to snarky put-downs.

In conclusion, the reason why I love Rolf is this: with his rich family tradition, well-meaning heart, and sharp tongue, he’s basically a kid-friendly version of Sophia Petrillo from The Golden Girls.

The Agent on The Unforgivably Poor Judgement of Logan Paul

“Gaze in wonder at my ignorance and immaturity!”
Source: Kotaku

Well, this is a hell of a way to start off the New Year…

For those blissfully not-in-the-know, Logan Paul is a YouTube personality who is most well-known for his vlogs and rap tracks who fancies himself to be a rebel (you know, like every OTHER YouTuber that I don’t give two s***s about until they f*** up).

Though, starting this year, he’ll be known for something far worse.

Logan had just gotten finished with a set of vlogs of his tour through Japan in which he does just about everything in his power to make an absolute ass of himself (and, by extension, fellow Americans) in a foreign land. He plays up Japanese stereotypes in public and pesters and annoys strangers just trying to go about their day in a multitude of ways.

But, probably most egregious of all, Logan filmed himself in the infamous Aokigahara “Suicide Forest” where many good people have ended their own lives. He then proceeded to film and post the video containing the ACTUAL body of a man who hung himself to death.

Let’s be clear about something here; Part of why this is so terrible is that Logan would have been hated and ostracised for all of these actions IN HIS OWN COUNTRY. The fact that he thought he could get away with this behavior in a foreign land – in someone else’s home – displays a horrifying level cultural insensitivity and lack of basic social etiquette.

But the fact that Logan did do this in another country makes matters SO much worse. Whether you like to admit it or not, most people HATE Americans; they see us a rude, boorish, uneducated, clod-hoppers that care only about themselves. Hell, even OTHER AMERICANS hate Americans.

The second you set foot outside of your territory, you become an involuntary representative of your country. To that end, it behooves you to understand the laws and customs of the land and respect them and the people who follow them. By doing otherwise, Logan has made it so that those that were sickened by his antics – which is most, if not all, of Japan – now have their views of Americans tarnished, making opening a meaningful dialog between the two of us even more difficult to the chagrin of those who’ve been working towards open exchange all their lives. Don’t believe me? Just look at fellow YouTuber Gaijin Goombah, who spent YEARS living with a Japanese family with the goal of cultural exchange, get nearly tear-jerkingly wrathful at how Logan acted.

Of course, it’s not just cultural sensitivity that’s on the plate; it’s also making light of suicide. Take it from Boogie2988 who has actually struggled with suicidal depression. Hell, take it from ME who has shared his own experience on the subject multiple times.

Logan has apologized for his actions and the Aokigahara footage has been removed, but the fact that his other Japan vlogs still remain seems to show that he doesn’t truly grasp just how far he stepped over the line. So, I want to conclude by shifting gears from an only semi-serious rant to a VERY serious open letter to Logan Paul about what he did.

Logan – Mister Paul. What you have done not only made you and your fellow Americans look like even bigger laughing stocks but hurt countless others around the world. I truly want to believe that you meant no harm, but your history and choice of words and actions refuse to let me believe that you were actually thinking about the greater good when you made those videos. You have made life infinitely more difficult for those coping with suicide and suicidal depression, for our friends in other countries, for those of us looking to connect with and aid both of them, and for your fellow YouTube Personalities.

I know you’re taking time off from your vlogs to reflect on all this and I hope you can find some form understanding in that time. If you need to reach out to someone to discuss this, I hope you find the courage to do so because some of us want to see you get through this and become a better person for your experiences. I hope you understand that being a celebrity of sorts – even a minor one as compared to those outside of YouTube – comes with an obligation to use your charisma and cult of personality to unite people and guide them towards a better future together.

Please don’t let this be the end, Logan; prove to this world that you can learn from and rise above your mistakes.